Dyslexia Sucks

It's 5am. I am awake as I am most mornings, on my fourth cup of coffee. I am curriculum planning for the upcoming school year, as we venture into what is sure to be a trying, interesting and exponentially rewarding adventure in homeschooling.

In reviewing the lists of "basic standards" for each grade level I am once again slapped with the vivid realization that my kids can't read. They cannot read. They don't love reading. They cower in fear when the see a big passage. Noah's hands get sweaty. Rylee's body starts to itch and she panics.  MY KIDS CAN NOT READ.

I do all the modern things moms do these days with their kids. We have a personal library of over 100 books.  I read with them when they ask.  They see me reading often. I have read to them when they were young. I encourage literature.  Take them to the library.  They just don't care about reading, but KNOW they "should" and KNOW most kids do. If you know our "story", you'd know that up until this January I had always been a working mom. I saw my kids for thirty minutes in the morning, did homework with them at night and sometimes after all that was said and done we would read, and others we would plop down on the couch and watch a movie together before bed. That was my excuse, "my kids can't read but we try and I work full time".  If you know me, you know I kicked my self a million times over, holding myself responsible for their inability to read.

And then guess what?

I started thinking about all the moms I know who work. A friend works long hours at a bank and travels for work.  Her daughter can read. My sister is an accountant and has always worked a 9-5.  Her daughter can read. I know a family who's mom didn't finish high school. Her kids can read. What the hell have I been doing to myself? The more I research, the more I can tell that despite my effort to do everything "normal", more is needed to help my kids learn to read.

You see, reading is a somewhat natural process in the developed world.  With exposure, our brains acquire a recognition for symbols and associate them with certain sounds or ideas. It's how we teach babies to talk, learn letter sounds.  Reading fluency is something that develops with repeated exposure as concepts and letter sounds are constantly linked together and stored in the long term memory. It usually happens naturally.  Dyslexia disrupts that natural process causing vast delays, even with moms who do everything right.

So I will just put it out there.  DYSLEXIA SUCKS.  It is hard, and it is emotional and it sucks. Sure my kids are beautifully gifted in many areas and have their own talents that make them unique but let's be honest, when you meet someone that can't read (especially a kid) what is your first thought? How cute, you're an artist. Too bad you can't read", "That mom should work harder, collaborate with the teachers more", "What an illiterate fool", "You're how old and can't read?", " It's spelled foot not fut". I won't bore you with the research behind dyslexia or how it biologically effects the brain, but I will say, I am totally my own worst enemy.  I, like many of you (especially if you have read this far), have never struggled to acquire something that is so valued and so engrained in our society as a vital element of our worth.

I spend a good amount of my days researching Dyslexia, searching for tools and resources to help my children overcome this Mount Everest of learning difficulty. We have made great strides, and with more effort, we will make even more and maybe someday my kids won't be ashamed to open a book, read a street sign, make a grocery list or write a letter to a friend.  Maybe someday Rylee-Grace will sit lay in the grass with a friend and read the Twilight series aloud to each other (wishful thinking), or Noah will skip school for the grand opening of a new Border's books, but for now we will "just keep swimming".

I will stomp my feet, cry tears of frustration and pick my broken heart up to mold back together as I watch them let their emotions get the better of them. Watching them want something so out of reach for now, and try harder than you can ever imagine only to take two steps backwards (and be told they aren't trying hard enough) makes me want to scream from the rooftops "DYSLEXIA SUCKS".

But we are fighters. We will read the same book 10,000 times until it is committed to memory. I will read passages to my kids that they "should" be able to read by themselves.  I will fight for them and defend them. I will let them escape into Minecraft, where they feel validated and accomplished. I will continue to expose them to literature. I will encourage their greatness and help them see this as a different way of learning, not a character flaw or a determination of their value as a human. I will demonstrate patience. I will encourage greatness, kindness, genuine spontaneity, artistic exploration and genuine appreciation for every person, no matter their flaws. I will love them endlessly and fully and wholly, but I will not be a martyr and pretend it's perfect. It's not.

So if you are local, and you hear us screaming "Dyslexia Sucks", don't be alarmed.  We need the world to know, because it does. It really truly does.  It will get better, but for right now the only icing on the cake is that I get to spend every single day with these kids of mine.

Ever wondered what these kids feel like? Do these exercises.